I do not like my job. It has mutated into one of responsibilty and performance and not the simple “do as much in a day as possible” routine it started out with. Now the things I do have to have an effect and I don’t like that one bit.
I’m a little worried that I’ll get fired soon. Firstly because times are tight, money’s running out and I cost them a lot of money. I don’t get paid a huge amount but I’m still their biggest expendature.
Secondly because when they went away on holiday for two weeks I skived off and didn’t do much and then tried to make it look like I’d been working the whole time just before they came back. It wouldn’t take a lot of poking around for them to realise this and what with the afformentioned strapping of the cash any bad thing that I do could be used as an excuse to get rid of me. This all makes me anxious and unable to really relax while I’m there. My bosses are a bit on edge at the moment always wanting to know exactly what I’m doing and I can’t always explain it well or seem to do things fast enough. It’s unpleasant.
Having said all of that, I’m not really sure how much I care. Yes, I would feel bad to be dismissed, I’d feel guilty at the time and then I’d have to come home and tell my parents which would also make me feel bad. We’d then have less money coming into the house and that would be bad and my dad would still work at the paintball and would have to see my bosses regularly and that could be, at the very least, awkward.
But I’d be free. At the moment I’m latched on to the plan of earning money and saving up before making any drastic moves. With no job and the sudden pressing need to get another I could go anywhere. No need to stay in Scotland, I could move down south with my friends from uni or leave for travels a year early. It’s theoretical a situation with the potential for greatness.
For now though, I’ll be going back to work, anxiously, for anxious people. It’s not healthy, but hopefully it’s drawing to a close.
